It is up us to resolve this. Ask yourself how long this has been going on in your life and understand that it does not take one posting to rid ourselves of it. How many of us are really dedicated to become stronger?
Let us do a little child development so we can begin to understand the nature of this damage. Remember this is not about blame, but it does not excuse negligent responsibility. All children experience trauma at some point in life, usually before five. This trauma is either how they saw life or actually it was true. It does not matter at this point which it is because from this trauma comes the damage.
Here is a story that will give you an example of how childhood trauma trauma can effect your life. When I was 5 years old my dog was hit by a school bus and killed in front of our house. I never really thought about the incident until a few years ago when my therapist was working on some major issues I was having at the time and was using a technique called EMDR to help me work through my major trauma. Part of the session was to list as many traumatic experiences as I could from throughout my life and rank them from easiest to worst.
So the day came where I had to start processing all these experiences She wanted me to go back as far as I could possibly remember and the scene with the school bus came to my mind and was put on my list. I remembered it pretty clearly but did not really think it effected me in any way. However as I began to re-live the event and walk my mind back through it, I became very frightened, I could see my mom crying hysterically because our dog had been killed. She was really upset and I was very scared. My therapist kept asking me why I was afraid. As I kept reliving the experience I suddenly realized that I had been the one to let the dog out by opening the garage door, and my fear was because my mom was so hysterical that I had done something bad.
There were many other instances like that as I processed my traumatic events. Times where my mom would fly off the handle over things and was either hysterical or was a screaming raving crazy woman because she mad about something. I began living in fear up upsetting her, so it became my nature to avoid conflict with her and then eventually everyone. I would just smile and put up with bad situations by doing things that made me uncomfortable or were disrespectful to me as a person because I feared someone reacting badly.
Because I was feeling bad about not standing up for myself, I used food as part of my "de-stressing" I would eat away my worry and regret. It was not until I began to face my fears that I was able to get a handle on my food issues.
Go back into your life and FIND YOUR TRAUMA! If you think you cannot remember your childhood, it is blocked because of pain. You can find it. Just listen to your mind and what it tells you about yourself. You didn't invent these thoughts, someone planted them in your head and you still are carrying them. Today no one but you creates your pain! Its time to dig deep and let the pain go.
Jaylene Welch
MBFC Content Manager
Don't Diet, Live Fit!
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